NEWSFLASH: Singing is hard. On top of trying to figure out how to create the best sound, learn all the languages, and run our own singing business, we have to learn how to react to failed opportunities. Unfortunately, these coping skills are rarely brought up in academia or our weekly voice lessons. We singers must prepare ourselves for negative situations. If we aren’t prepared, one of the easiest ways to react is self-victimization. To continue positive advancement in our singing culture, we must make sure we don’t allow ourselves to fall victim to our circumstances so we can take a stronger stance towards our goals. 

What is self-victimization? Wikipedia defines victimization by stating, “Victim playing…is the fabrication of victimhood for a variety of reasons such as to justify the abuse of others, to manipulate others, a coping strategy, or attention-seeking.” This definition lists the four major reasons why someone may choose, usually subconsciously, to self-victimize. Of course, there are different levels to this issue, but we have all “fallen victim” to this type of mentality at some point. In the singing world, a few examples of this behavior could be blaming the reason why you didn't get the role or job on a reason outside of yourself, exaggerate your circumstances to get leniency from your production team, or justifying your negative behavior towards a student or colleague instead of correcting it. In order to overcome this way of thinking and achieve our goals, we must increase our awareness and delve into self-evaluation. 

First, allow yourself to get to the point where you realize you have self-victimized in a certain situation. It could have been a response to something you saw on the news, or maybe a singing acquaintance you never thought that highly of got into a young artist program that you did not. Maybe you responded by claiming the pianist at the audition didn’t know your audition arias well enough, or maybe you blamed yourself for not being proactive in changing an issue in the news that upsets you. Acknowledge your responses to recent situations and determine if you self-victimized by looking for signs of defensiveness, justification, self-pity, and passive-aggressiveness. Once you analyze your own responses, you can then think about how often self-victimization is an issue for you. Is it becoming a habit, or was it a one-time reaction based on some other stressful issues going on in your life? Be completely honest with yourself during this evaluation. The best thing about self-evaluation is that it’s just for you, and no one else has to know unless you want them to.

Second, work on finding solutions to prevent self-victimization in the future. One of the essential ways to break this habit is to stop comparing your circumstances to others. Regardless of how much we think we know about someone or a situation, it is incredibly likely that we don’t know the whole truth of someone else. Therefore, we cannot allow ourselves to think our circumstances are better or worse depending on what we know or suspect. Self-victimization stems from believing you are deserving of something someone else seems to have, so eliminating comparison should assist you in overcoming this issue. Of course, it is much easier said than done, but you can improve on this little by little. Next time you are listening to an audition story or scrolling through social media, stop and take a breath when you recognize the comparison dialogue beginning in your head. Try to reflect by asking why you reacted with a bit of self-victimization, and take a moment to think about how you can instead channel your energy toward your goals. Focusing on how you can be better instead of making excuses will ultimately lead to a more confident you.

With the news constantly showing us the negative things happening around the globe and the singing world commonly encouraging comparison, it is so easy to feel alone and believe the world is against us. However, it is only against us if we decide to react in a victimized way. Be brave enough to empower yourself and allow the world to work in your favor.